Not Christmas Anymore

Its almost Christmas. truthfully I am having a hard time of it this year. I have no way to give anything but of my time. I am young and single with for the first time sense I was 15, jobless. Everyone is going about there lives, they are all getting very excited for Christmas, but not me... I haven't been excited for Christmas for a few years now. I do love the music and the family time that sometimes comes with Christmas, but, I don't know, it seems like its all going away for me. I realized that I am become more bitter. This has been coming on for a long time I think. First you work retell and people are angry because you don't have what they want, or its not the right price. Christmas is stress. it use to be a time of giving but what happens when you have nothing to give but time, and it seems no one wants your time. You start putting on the face, that happy one that every one expects. You can't just tell people that they are being selfish, but maybe its just me turning into a person that's not likely to marry or be marry anymore. Yes, I have a mask on. My body feel like  its going to tare itself apart if I eat more then a half cup of anything. Christmas is about social eating, I have to skip eating a lot now. Christmas is about love, I give what I have to my family. I don't have much more then that. Christmas is not Christmas anymore. Its just another day.