What is next?

When you heart wants to rip in two and all seems so bleak that you'll receive the hope you so desperately wish for, what is next?

I find myself in a two different minds where all is up in the air and you don't know what is going to make the fall. When all I've been hoping for are some words. Some strength of knowing, but all I have received has been dancing around the words. Never saying them. Never truly hearing them. So I do question if they are there at all.

Realizing that I have pushed so many people away just because that is all I know how to do. Knowing that people don't try to come back after. I think that is what is hard. knowing that in the end it is my fault for pushing, for building up walls so high that no one wants to climb them for fear of what they might find inside. I know, I know I put up my barriers. and truthfully I don't expect anyone to climb my walls or even nock them down. Maybe that is the problem there that I don't expect anyone.

I make things harder then they should be because of how I see. but I don't know how to see any other way. I am willing to learn. just need someone that is good at being a shrink.

Hold On

 

Hold on, this is a journey that last a life time. don't forget to learn to love and to forgive. so hold on... let your heart lead if you can.. this life is about loving. remember to hold on to those moments that make it worth going through the hard times. hold on to the happy times, hold on to hope. make hope your home where you can go when all seems lost.

Life As A Pebble

 

We don't always remember where we came from but we all remember the splash. It could have been when we started making decisions on our own, taking charge, and we found that those decisions made ripples. Before we knew it we were sinking into the beat of life. We find ourselves sinking fast into darkness as life pulls us from trial to trial. Then it happens, we hit rock bottom, making us feel alone, accentuating the darkness around us. As time goes by life has moved on and hope springs into our hearts as light brings meaning to where we are. We begin to see that we were far from alone and we may feel insignificant, as if we are one star in the great see above, yet we start looking closer to find that other pebbles are encircled around us. You reach out to them with all your strength and find you are changing. For one can not touch another's life with out the other touching yours. We change with every pull of life we become smoother as we grow from those around us. We try to be the best we can be and in doing so we become the beauty in life it self. -By: Crystal A. Thompson

Calm Before The Storm

 

 

Finally a moment of freedom when mind and soul come together and dream of other thoughts that would not torment but calm, but how could it stay for it never stays long, like a bird it flies off with out a word. where dose the calm come from. questions that it seem are ever to ovoid the hands of comprehending. like wind in ways. or is it a storm so amazing and yet seems so far away.

Fallen State of Thorny Paths

 

I heard the voice calling me home, my heart jumped to follow but I being selfish looked the other way and left that path for selfish thoughts of momentary pleasures. what I did not relies was the further I went that the soles of my shoos where being shredded but. soon the thorns pierced my soul bleeding and with shaking hands and wounded heart I would one by one poll the thorns out only to find the poison they have lift numbing my soul with pain. I craved to be home. I wanted to be home, but found the pain of my past would keep me from home. I would cry for help. I could no longer hear the voice anymore, but yet those who loved me could still touch my hand and give me settle relief for a time. But, only I could decide to stop the poison from spreading and only one could draw the poison from me, yet, he was home, and only I could call him, yet my proud soul would not call or take the steps toward him for I had fallen. and my heart cried for my fallen state.

work

The Game

Life plays the game...
Or perhaps its just it is just the people who play the games,
a look there a jester or a touch here or there.
The heart beats with every moments these games take.
So you space yourself from those people
thinking that just maybe the game would leave you be
and your heart will turn normal again
but then again...
The heart still plays the games that my head never wants to play.
I wage the war within me every day
my feelings always pull one way
and my mind pulls the other way.
so my body stands still
with the pull of gravity.
everything and every one
seems to pull.

My art

Delta Rae - Morning Comes (official video)

Lines

Lines in the sand
lines on my skin
they all have meaning
borders in the heart
or remainders
of past moments

I look down at
the lines I have made
my heart brakes
what I have made
can not be undone
this is when I make
a line in my mind
I will be strong
non will come
so I must be strong
if only for my mind

most don't even see
the surface I have made
but if they look closer
some have seen
few have asked
and fewer have been told

these lines have been crossed
and tears have fallen
but one must be strong
if only for those who truly care.

Crossroads

I am standing on the crossroads yet again... being pulled in many different directions....and feeling restless about it all. unsure of what Way I should allow to take my heart... afraid of making the wrong decision.. their are times I wish someone would just tell me what I should be doing and help me get there.. but I don't its all up to me. afraid of letting the people I love down. standing in the crossroads. God give me strength. 

To Live The Fairy Tell

Give me the pages of the fairy tales. I would walk those streets instead of this madness that comes at me from all corners. Give me the dreams of flight soaring through the stars and living were I may be me with out this weight or worldliness. Let me walk the path less trodden upon. Let me find what magic lives with in my soul. I will fly from all harsh notes that people sing I will play my tunes of lifting ways. I will find my heart of hearts in the stars and if I grow old and die let it end at that "she died" simple and solemn as a cap to all the great things I may do. Yes, I do wish for the fairy tale but what I will do with this world... this heavy weight.. I do not know.

I Am Different

Understand that I am different from what you are use to, I dream my own dreams and see new from you. 

the colors that come into my mind move in to a dance of emotions. life is no simple thing for me it moves fast and strong. If you wish me to stay give me a reason. I move with the wind, I swim deep,  I burn like fire, and I am real as the grown you stand on. Let me sore above and I will show you the beauty of what I see and learn. 

Walking on

I just might keep walking, walking past the people and the places, taking everything in without anything more to say but a goodbuy here and there. Walk I must, and if others wish to walk a little ways with me they are welcome to. I may part ways when the path splits for I take the road less traveled on. I will always remember them for they have contributed to my heart in one way or the other. As for now I walk on

Bound

There once was a boy that found a wounded bird, the bird did its best to hide this wound for it didn't not trust the hands that bent for it.but the boy was gentle and kind. the boy was not use to such a tender thing,but still tried his best to help the small bird. The bird slowly grew stronger and soon it wished to fly, but the boy having been left by those ones he though loved him, grew scared that the bird he helped would leave like so may others.the boy captured the bird in his hands, the bird felt the tightness of the hands on its breast and wings it started to struggle for freedom but the hands just grew tighter and soon the boy started to tell the bird that he couldn't live with out it. the bird now almost breathless bit the boy hoping that he would let go just a bit so it could breath. but the boy cried and fell on his knee begging the bird to stay. the bird heart started to slow, and with its last thought called on a power inside it for one last chance to live. the God that created it looked down on such a sight of two troubled creations. and set an angel to break the harm of two souls. The Angel broke the hold of the boy but stayed there holding the boy to comfort him as the bird fell to the ground, the bird breathed in thanks to the creator asking the angel to stay with the boy. The bird opened its wings and took to the sky, for it was a messenger bird. Now if the bird is to go back to the boy that is up to the God that sent it.that great creator watches over both the boy and bird and knows the path greatest for both. and nether the boy or the bird knows what is best. -Crystal A. Thompson 2/26/2012