-sigh-

Something so small can mean so much, the release of breath... for me it is acceptance of  is happening in my life. I wish it was a good sigh... I wish I could say it was a happy sigh... but the thing is, that its not. its the feeling of knowing that I can't do anything right that is worth while. I do my best not to show this to people but, I can't help this feeling. Every relationship that I have ever had has been a disaster. I desire people in my life but I feel like it does no good anymore... I do no good.. for them or myself. I want to go way to a solitude place where there would be no one to hurt. No one to push me to do the wrong thing.

What happens when you feel you've gone to far to come back. To far from all that is safe, and no one can reach you where you stand anymore? What happens when you find that you are one of the last others would think of? When everyone you care about wont take the time to talk to you. When a game is more important then you are?

I am so tired of these feelings. So tired of feeling useless. I have tried time and time again to not care what others thing of me and yet its in my bones to think such things... no wonder I can't find someone who could and would have me.

I am stuck. and I want to disappear form all of these feelings.